He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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