therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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