I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
