his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
