you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
No I am not eating basil off your cock
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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