3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
