If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
