We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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