You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I think my fart just growled at me.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
