I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
