I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
Randomize
