my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
