More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
