A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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