Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize