The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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