Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
