you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
