sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Randomize
