a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
