dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
