you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
