No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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