and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
