I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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