I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i think my cat just said my name.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
