I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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