We're facebook friends in real life
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
