I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
