so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
