Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
