Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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