the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Panties = found
Randomize
