Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
