Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
