you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
