I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
