Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
