I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
