umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
