FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
