he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
