What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
