dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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