I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
