the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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