so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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