Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Randomize
