I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
