If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
