OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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