Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
