It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
