Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
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you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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