my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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