i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
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