hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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