I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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