Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
