whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
