____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Randomize
