Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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