Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I smell like Dick and happiness
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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