Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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