We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
