i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
