She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
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Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
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And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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