it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
