Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
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i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Watching her eat just hurts me
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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