He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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