...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
