Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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