Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
