Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
